Let’s face it, sex seems to become less and less important as we get older. It’s as though all the other responsibilities have consumed our lives and we have put our sexual needs on the back burner. As a spouse, parent, employee, or any other position we hold, we tend to give our energies to everything outside of the bedroom and it takes a toll on our spirit. Sexuality is part of who we are and can bring us to become distant, disconnected, or depressed when we stifle this part of us.
The first step to change this is to recognize what is happening. Our negative feelings can manifest in many different ways. It can show through our actions, emotions, or behaviors such as getting upset easily, not having a connection with our partner, feelings of self-doubt, low self-esteem, or even dangerous activities such as drugs, alcohol, or deviant sex acts. One can evaluate and assess their current feelings and behaviors surrounding their situation, and recognize that their sexual needs are not being filled.
The next step is to find a way to change the circumstance. If you are in a relationship, communicating your feelings is essential. Allow the other person to know what is it that you are lacking and give ideas as how to help fix it. It will be important for your partner to be receptive and understand what the lack has caused. If you do not have a partner, reconnecting with your own body can help with your symptoms. This can come in for form of self-exploration, toys, books, or any way that can allow you to have a release as well as feel comfortable engaging alone.
The final step is to maintain an outlet for sexual satisfaction after corrections have been made and you feel that your needs have been fulfilled enough. Getting lost with everyday activities, chores, and work can easily become commonplace in one’s life and can interfere with relationships with selves and others. Take time out of your busy scheduled and enjoy new lingerie, sexy clothes, a needed haircut, sexy dance classes, or anything that will help you relax and rid yourself of the constraints that have allowed you to ignore your needs in the first place. Keep in mind, it is natural to want to express yourself sexually and learning about your desires is normal and healthy.